War Crimes

Gotti crawls into The Constrictor’s room and spits the handkerchief out onto the floor. He stares at it for a long moment before collapsing back down beside it, his bloody lip dripping a small pool onto the carpet.

Alyssa Tyler approaches Ray Gotti, who is gesticulating wildly at Eddie Hawkins and The Constrictor as he talks to them.

“Excuse me, Mr. Gotti?”

Gotti turns with a scowl, but brightens as he sees the cute woman. He grins and wipes his nose on his sleeve. “What is it, cutie?”

“Well, Mr. Gotti, I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on the upcoming tag team match with Rock OD. They’re up against Brothers from Another Mother in the next show. You know, Manogre and 0dysseu5—”

Gotti cuts her off with a snarl and a sneeze. “I know who dey are. Dat rat illegitimate offspring 0dysseus gabe me da plague. He gabe me syphilis!” He sniffles. “He’s gonna get a beat-down. The man gabe me smallpox! Or cholera, I don't know! Dis is germ warfare! Dis is war crimes! Dis is a biological attack! Hitler would habe done someding like dis.”

Eddie Hawkins breaks in. “Godwin’s Law, Ray. You lose.”

“What?”

“Godwin’s Law. A stupid argument always ends in a reference to Hitler or the Nazis.”

“So?”

“So it’s bad form, Ray. It means you don’t have a real point. It’s such a stupid argument that whoever compares someone to Hitler automatically loses.”

“But he gabe me cancer! You know what? It don’t even matter none. I got De Brudders from Anodder Mudder here, and dey’re da antibiotics to your cancer, Rock OD!”

Eddie rubs his brow with one hand and shakes his head. “Antibiotics don’t cure cancer, Ray. You’re basically saying we’ll be completely ineffective against them.”

Ray Gotti looks completely baffled by this. “Uh … what cures cancer?”

“You know what? Just … just stop talking.”